I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
