I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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