i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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