Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
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