And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
