There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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