The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
