I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
