What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
