I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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