rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found your dick twin last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
