im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
