Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
