The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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