All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
