i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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