How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
