A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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