I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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