No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
