I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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