so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
