I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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