Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
