yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
