brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
