my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
