I just saw a hot homeless man
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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