I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize