Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
