I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
