Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
