I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
