The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
