i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
