i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
