well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
