I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
