Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
