I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
did i walk over a car last night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
