Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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