the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
