its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
