and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
