I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
