I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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