How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
