somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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