Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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