Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
