I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize