Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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