He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to calm my uterus...
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