we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
