Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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