You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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