"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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