From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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