I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i will never coherently bang her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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