chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
