Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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