P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
