I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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