I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
