I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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