I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
