Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
