So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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