It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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