i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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