so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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