If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Panties = found
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
