you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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