If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
