youre lurking in front of me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
