So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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