pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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