i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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