You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
