I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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