Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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