I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
